Sign of the Apocalypse?

So... here I am again. A bit later than I had originally planned, but hey, I never claimed to be perfect. What have I been doing all this time? What's with the title you say? I've been (insert drum-roll and grab your desk) cleaning.

GET OFF THE FLOOR!

I told you to hold the desk, don't blame me if you tripped over your jaw and fell on your backside. The shock that I, The Domestic Goddess, spent the last few days cleaning is a shock to anyones system... especially mine.

I'm pretty sure there is something written somewhere about this being a sign of the end of times. I woke up the other day -wanting- to clean the slider. Seriously. I didn't even drink a cup of coffee until after I scared the neighbors. I was in my pajamas at the time. Epic I tell you. 

If only it stopped there... The dishes were done, the toilet was scrubbed, the kitchen sink shone so much I needed sunglasses! If it's not a sign of the Apocalypse, it's a sickness I tell you! The butcher block was cleared off and scrubed down. The fridge was cleaned, inside and out. More dishes were washed because I started taking things out of the bottom cabinet to give them another washing because I felt they got "dusty" sitting down there.  The stove was scrubbed down, the vent was cleaned and the filter replaced.

The stove, vent and cabinets are the bane of my existence. I would rather scrub a port-a-potty than deal with the fine layer of ick that seems to accumulate on those 3 things. I don't fry -ever-, I barely even pan-cook meats. I bake most things because I hate the smell of oil in the air. White cabinets, white vent, black stove. Could I have picked worse colors for a kitchen? As a whole, it looks great (from a distance)... titanium gray walls, white cabinets, black sink and appliances.

I have tried just about every product on tv, on the store shelves, online, reccommended by complete strangers when I grab them by their ankles begging for the secret to ridding myself of this greasy plague...

Sometimes the old ways are best. I am proud to say that I have conquered the beast that has overtaken my kitchen! How? As I was standing and glaring at the stove it came to me... -the solution- Well... I suppose I could tell you. Volcanoes.

Yes, volcanoes. Vinegar and baking soda. I sprayed the stove-top generously with straight white vinegar and let it sit about 15 minutes. Sprinkled some baking soda over it and stood there in amazement as this concoction began to bubble. When it finished its magic, I took a soft sponge and wiped it all up. A quick cold water wipe-up and .... (sit down, seriously... I'm not going to finish until you do....... )

Sitting?

Okay.... it was CLEAN! It was a bit trickier on the vent, but I sprayed it and then when it was time to add the baking soda, I put it in a small bowl, added a small bit of vinegar and turned it in to a gluey substance that I brushed on with a silicone basting brush.

That's all for today... I have a pile of clothes with my name on it...